Dear Homegirl, It's Okay To Say 'No'

And just like that, we are back with another weekly reminder…

Dear Homegirl,

It’s okay to say ‘no.’ But how can a two letter word be so hard to utter? 

no…no…NO…NO…NO! 

Whew! That wasn’t so bad… to type. Now, let’s try saying this in response to something you don’t want to do, a place you don’t want to go, or a responsibility you just don’t have time for right now?

Are you the type of person who finds it difficult to say ‘no?’

 Hi. My name is Simone and I was once the definition of a “yes girl.” Need a plus one? Just call me. I might be tired from work or simply not in the mood, but sure, count me there. Need a favor done in a specific time frame? Just call me? No, no, no. Don’t worry about me being in the middle of something important. I will drop everything I’m doing to accommodate you.

If this sounds familiar to you, trust me you are not alone. I know plenty of people who put other people’s needs before their own. As sad as it sounds, it’s second nature to them. For me, I didn’t want to disappoint anyone I cared about, or them be upset with me. I thought that me doing these favors would show how much I cared for and valued them. When in reality I was just disappointing myself.

Unfortunately, people can take our kindness for weakness. Have you ever had someone get upset with you because you couldn’t do something for them? This is the same person who you always show up for no matter what you have going on. But the one time you literally have to tell them ‘no,’  they somehow magically forget all you’ve done for them? Because they are used to you always saying ‘yes,’  the one time you say ‘no,’  it’s a problem. It feels like you can’t win for losing, or in this case, putting your needs first is simply out of the question.

I’ve been that person who puts my own needs aside to accommodate those in my life. In the end, I’m usually the one who is unhappy or drained, while the other person is content. How could I pour into someone else’s cup when mine is half empty? The little I had in my cup is now gone because I poured it into someone else’s.

Don’t get me wrong; I am not saying to not be there for the people you love if they reach out to you for help with something. I just don’t want you to exhaust yourself trying to be there for everyone all the time. Just like I said in the video below; it’s okay to put your well-being first.

Here are a three affirmations you can use whenever you feel like you’re a “bad person” for saying ‘no,’ or you need a reminder that it’s okay to set boundaries.

Saying ‘no’ does not make me a bad person.

It’s okay to put my mental and emotional well-being first. In fact, it’s a priority.

If they care about me, they will understand the boundaries I have placed.

Remember friends, like the affirmations above states, you have every right to put YOU first. Placing boundaries does not make you a bad person. If someone gets upset because of a boundary you placed to protect your peace, then it’s a good thing that you placed it.

I love you, bookies. Until next Sunday…