Creating A Chosen Family Holds So Much Power

Yes, being an only child does have its pros and cons. While it’s true you don’t technically have to share your toys when you’re younger, and your mom might let you get an extra piece of dessert because you don’t have anyone crying saying that it’s not fair “so and so gets more cake and not me,” there are moments where having someone to share family experiences with or stay up late watching tv with is deeply yearned for. But as I got older, I started to grasp why having a chosen family holds so much power.

I am in fact an only child, and as I got older, I started visualizing what life would have been like if I had a sister or a brother. There would always be someone to talk to, recap my day at school with, cry on their shoulder when I first got my heart broken, and someone who just…gets me. My father passed away when I was one or two years old, and my mom didn’t stay in contact with his side of the family. I was always told I had brothers and sisters and would envision what they looked like and if we had the same personality. Were they shy like me? Did we watch the same cartoons or have a shared interest in writing? All of these were questions that I never thought I would have the answers to. 

So, years later once I came to the realization about how useful the internet can be, I started doing some investigation. Long story short, I ended up finding my father’s sister (my aunt), one of my brothers, and his son (my nephew) online. I had a few conversations with my aunt, but it wasn’t consistent. My brother couldn’t get over the fact that his dad had another child that wasn't from his birth mother and our “relationship” ended before it could even get started, and my nephew was just in his own world, and didn’t fully grasp that someone close to his age could be his aunt. I thought my dream of finally having that family dynamic I yearned for as a child was crushed, but after spending some time in my thoughts and talking to my closest friends, I discovered that the family I longed for was here all along.

 A chosen family are those who might not be biologically related to you, but have shown you nothing but love, support, and compassion. While you might not share the same DNA, they show up for you just like - if not more - your genetic family. The phrase, “blood couldn’t make us stronger” definitely applies to a chosen family.

These relationships can consist of friends, coworkers, teachers, or anyone who has been your emotional strength, made you feel like you matter and belong, and has shown you unwavering love and support - especially through difficult times. Take me for example; I dreamt of having a “sister” who I could vent to when I was going through relationship problems or a “brother” to give me unsolicited advice about why I shouldn’t let no man treat me any ‘ol type of way. Funny thing is, that “sister” and “brother” I wanted was literally just a phone call away. They were my friends I went to school with or my coworkers who exceeded the title of people I worked with and became some of my best friends. They were the people I met through mutual friends or at a random event. 

If you are currently feeling the absence of not having siblings or yearn for that family dynamic, I challenge you to look at those around you. Those who check in with you on a daily basis. Those who pick up your phone calls no matter what time of day or night. Those who never miss a birthday, milestone, or celebration. Those who speak highly of you behind closed doors. Those who you call best friend, coworker, hair stylist, and neighbor. That right there is your family.